


The League of Leyland

by ShawnMorgan



Category: Original Work
Genre: British, England (Country), Gen, Parody, Pastiche, Superheroes, Superpowers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 12:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8489428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShawnMorgan/pseuds/ShawnMorgan
Summary: Something weird happened in my home town. a bunch of young people developed superpowers.. which considering that our world has superhumans is not unheard of. However their powers only work in Leyland and ever since, no one else's will work IN Leyland.The League of Leyland, a quartet of publicly spirited supers is trying to figure it out.So is their old frenemy 'Doctor Frenemy'. Hey just because you're a villain, you don't have to be a bad guy...





	1. Weird

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jedireaper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jedireaper/gifts).



Chapter One

 

She was short and a little bit on the built side for a teenager but that didn’t stop Sophie, 'Skidder' Taylor from enjoying her run. Once she crossed over the hill from Station Brow to Preston Road though, she was running out of room to practice. Shrugging, she stopped, taking in the road that would have taken her north to the city of Preston.

She felt a whoosh of air as someone sped past her snarling as they did so. She recognised the owner, knowing their irritation was aimed elsewhere She had to hand it to The Fastness, he just would not quit. This was his umpteenth attempt to break his power’s limitation. As per usual, he just lost his momentum as he attempted to speed past Boundary Street.

She knew that brother and sister were of similar mentality, so she looked around and up, spotting the expected team mate. Roberta 'wings' Knowles, was hovering dangerously close to where The Fastness was, her own energy wings flapping rhythmically. Sophie looked from brother to sister as the former, put out two fingers to his lips and let out a piercing whistle.

“Alright, little brother, I’m landing,.. Just over..there.” Roberta pointed at the sign that read ‘Stanisfield Lane’ and banked and glided gracefully, at least until she reached the border of Leyland with Farington, where there was a sudden hiss of static.

The hiss was accompanied by the abrupt disappearance of her wings, and the young woman had to tuck and roll into a crash landing. The fact that she was extremely good at such landings bespoke the number of times she'd tried.

“Seriously Wings," began The Fastness, "what did you expect? None of us have ever succeeded at this. At least the rest of us stick to keeping our feet on the ground.”

“I Had to try, just like you.” Roberta rolled gracefully to her feet.

“Yeah, I get it.” The Fastness, known to people as Martin Knowles smiled sadly at his sister. “I just wish I could figure out why this is the way it is.”

‘Skidder’ chewed her lip as she addressed the siblings. “The only thing I’ve ever come up with is that picnic we went on over on Worden Park.”

‘Wings’ grunted in agreement. “Yeah, but we weren’t the only ones there that day. So others would probably have powers.”

The Fastness was about to add to that, when the One-One-One Bus pulled up outside The Railway Tavern and the trio became their usual quartet. The blonde bombshell that alighted gave her friends a wide smile. Then she looked at Perry’s car garage, then back across to Boundary Street, finally coming back to the other three.

“I reckon you bunch of wazzocks have been trying to break through the limitations again 'aven't you?” Karen Holland asked, mostly rhetorically. The others just shrugged, they’d been doing this at least once a week since gaining their weird abilities.

The well built blonde bombshell grinned. “My turn then. Might as well turn three wazzocks into four, eh?” Striding past her chuckling friends to the street sign the others had come to a stop at, she activated her own ‘no entry’ power. It coruscated out easily in the direction of Golden Hill but unlike the usual circle she radiated it had a dead zone directly north of her. But Karen 'Stopper' Holland had sensed something unusual.

Skidder picked up on it first. The two had been firm friends through school. They'd even dated for a week, before realising that they were, in fact, straight. But the best thing to come out of that embarrassment was the implicit trust they now had in each other.

'Stopper' spoke quietly. "My power wasn’t entirely dead this time… but the result was my power was down by nearly three quarter strength on the south, Leyland side.

Skidder blinked. “That’s a new development.” Their was a chorus of surprised agreement.


	2. Heroes

“Teleporting is an awesome power!” Simon Wall waved his hands around as he spoke, a gesture he’d never grown out of.

His sister, Elaine, gave him a sour look. “Yeah, because being able to teleport from Bow Lane to Longmeanygate is soooo useful.” Her every word oozed with sarcasm.

“Really sis, being able to teleport two and half miles in any direction is pretty good!”

“I’d agree if it worked outside Leyland!”

“Oh come on, think of the possibilities, You can already teleport to the train station, you're always on time for work because of it.”

Elaine’s sour look vanished, to be replaced by a guilty smile. “It annoys the hell out of the guard, and I have to admit that I’m grateful that my little Gaddaouts-”

“That’s it! Simon snapped his fingers, Gaddabout is a great name for a ‘Souper human’ 

“First, I am not letting people call me Gaddabout. Second I’m pretty sure you said ‘souper’ so explain fast.

“As in, ‘Souped up human’."

“No. Just... no."

“Errmmmm…”

“You didn’t…”

“I kinda already did.”

Wearily Elaine turned on her mobile and went to the ‘Augments’ website, currently the only site trying to make any sense of the recent arrival of what were being termed superpowers.

Even though she was irritable as hell, she found herself becoming more and more interested as she read up on numerous empowered individuals. She became more interested when she noticed how many of her classmates were listed.

Even as she browsed through the list, the piercing shriek of the HSBC bank’s alarm on Hough Lane started blaring.

“It’s three O’Clock?”

“On Friday.” Simon was nodding

“So that should be Doctor Frenemy’s ringtone…”

“Well, non lethal practise on honing your powers is highly recommended."

“I suppose it’s time to go public. 

 

* * *

 

Wings was hovering in place with an easy grace and The Fastness was leaning on the Quin Street road sign and Skidder had gone to Iceland; She was picking up the snack food her team would be partying with later. This included treating their favourite bank robber to a Chicago Deep Feast Pizza if he surrendered peacefully within ten minutes. Rounding off the stakeout was Stopper, at the bank’s door, less than twenty feet away from The Fastness.

Inside the bank, Ben, ‘Doctor Frenemy’ Thomas, was quietly breaking into the bank’s vault whilst chatting amiably with a bank teller he found attractive, and simultaneously letting the other teller down gently. The snappily dressed man just wasn’t Ben’s type.

The self styled ‘Most Awesome Supervillain Technogenius Elitist Robber checked the time. Seeing that it was now five past three in the afternoon he swished his grey cape as his green armour gleamed.

“ It is time for me to face my sworn foes-”

“They’re not really foes though are they love," The lovely lady counting out his ill gotten spoils began, "They're more like ‘inhibitants that you want to prove yourself to.”

Ben shrugged it off. “Fine, fine, I admit it, Stopper makes me pause, even without superpowers.”

The pretty blonde bank teller snorted. “Oh she uses a couple of superpowers on you,”

Doctor Frenemy gave up. “I almost wish she would.”

“Only almost?” She was teasing him.

“YES!" The sudden loud declaration made Bank teller Charlotte Mansfield blink. Then as the 'villain' spoke she began blushing as she realised what he was saying. "For at the moment her most magnificent rival has captured my attention!” Then he gave hr bank clerk a florid bow, causing her face to seem florid in its own right. 

“You’re too much, you are.” The teller was blushing a little. But then the alarm went off and she went to open the bank’s door. “Time for your weekly tiff with t'league love.”

 

* * *

 

There was a crowd on Hough Lane by ten past three and four police officers who had probably lost the thursday night card game had cordoned off Hough Lane. They were giving the four superheroes weary looks when Skidder rejoined her team.

Sergeant William Posters, (he hated his name so much at times) looked at her and groaned. It could have been worse, at least these young twits were polite, respectful of authority and The Fastness was he admit a godsend when it came to paperwork,

It could be so much worse really I might be stationed in Preston and t deal with the super perv they have there. The thought was directed at The Prestonian who was now rumoured to have slept with hundreds of women who ranged in age from eighteen to fifty,

Then the bank door opened and the ‘fight’ was on,


	3. Identity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A now sentient tank has an identity crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mentally counted how many Chinese Food businesses as I could. Then I remembered that I went to the one on Chapel Brow as a kid... and now that proprietress'es granddaughter runs it.
> 
> As for the tank, it's a real monument, nicknamed 'The Flensburg Tank'. Feel free to google it peeps.

Flensburg Way was moderately quiet as much as a bypass road could be. Especially now a major upgrade had taken place. Situated on the verge was a monument to both the second world war and Leyland’s industrial past in the shape of a facsimile of a centurion tank.

What was different about the monument now though was that somehow, somewhen it had become sentient. Slowly and surely it had evolved and whilst it was still immobile and unarmed it had become an actual tank. 

The tank would have smiled as its intellect increased, had it possessed the abilities to do so. It had decided after its brand new onboard battle computer came online, that it was going to prank the human race.

‘Chantelle’ decided that ‘she’ was black. After all there were few enough strong black role models around, especially in a quiet northern English town had so few non white people in it, As for those non white/european places that were established such as the seven or so Chinese takeaways and the fifteen other fast food joints, the chinese at least had been there so long and had integrated so quickly when they’d arrived no one noticed or cared. (except for the occasional total wazzock)t identifying as female would weird the shit out of people because ‘she’ was a tank.

The question now was what kind of black woman, the kind that was portrayed in the Fresh Prince of bel Air? A sassy ‘Ghostbuster’ girl. Possibly- then it hit ‘her’ She could switch as she felt fit. 

For now since a bunch of picnickers had sat and watched the recent female ‘Ghostbusters’ movie, she decided to emulate the actress Leslie Jones, even if ‘Chantelle,’ wanted to shoot the writer, although she had problem with the actresses.

And if anyone saw fit to argue with her she’d remind them that she had a very big gun

Doctor Frenemy swished his cloak as he looked around, searching for his heroic opposite numbers. Wings was out of sight, probably perched on the tower of the Dutch Reform church. The Fastness would stay round the corner, and Skidder was just stepping through the doors of Iceland, laden down with four bags of shopping. He smiled at her and she smiled back with a nod. This let him know that she had indeed bought the pizza.

“Ah ha!” He boomed theatrically, “I see you have four plastic bags!”

“Um,’ replied Skidder ‘That sort’ve thing ‘appens when yer buying grub y’now.”

Doctor Frenemy smiled,” I too, have been known to buy four bags worth of food from that very same shop.”

“So what?”

He smirked at her. “It costs me twenty pence less than it costs you…”

“You Git.” Skidder placed the bags gently down and glared at him as well as she could. Then she ran straight at him, activating her power. As her opponent’s fist connected with her power she felt the pulled punch lose most of its power. There was just enough to make a slight tapping sound. Then there was a hum of energy as the villain used his battlesuit's onboard functions to giver her a feedback loop. Skidder was locked in place and would be so for the next eight minutes.

The watching crowd gasped then as a familiar shape appeared two hundred and fifty feet above. “Wings is’ ere!”

She was indeed and she started dodging Doctor Frenemy’s energy reels that were trying to ensnare her. Even as he concentrated on her, there was a whoosh and The Fastness came hurtling round the corner. Intending to either clothesline Doctor Frenemy, or snatch away his battle suit’s power pack.

Instead there was a whelp as he hit the invisble grease patch that Dr Frenemy had prepared just for him, and he went hurtling away, flailing his arms as he approached the Asda that used to be Netto, that used to be Woolworths, that had started out as Leyland’s cinema. (So I know my town's history, sue me). Right now though. it was being The Fastness’ crash zone.

Doctor Frenemy snickered, noting that as the speedster cartwheeled down the road to go ‘butt’ over ‘bust’ to land in an Asda shopping trolley, his momentum caused them all to pile up.

There was a brief pause as all the remaining opponents stopped to look that way, checking that said participant was okay. When they saw him give the thumbs up, they returned the gesture and went back to work.

The Fastness stood up, brushed himself off and strolled down at normal speed to collect the food Skidder had bought and take it home. The rules were that if one of them took a hit that looked dodgy, they should count themselves out of the fight. 

Wings tried to gain height mostly in order to use the villain’s energy ropes against him. Her plan was to drop the professionally punctual bank robber into Stopper’s area of effect. As her battlesuit target lifted off she smiled. The smile faded as she saw him accelerate towards her. She realised what he was doing a smidgen too late.

“Tag, gotcha!” 

“Damnit. You got me… landing now. Good move by the way.”

“Ta, took me flamin’ ages to work it out, I adta use loadsa graph paper.” They landed and saluted each other and Wings left the immediate area to go buy a can of fizzy Vimto.

Now it was Stopper that stepped forwards and raised her hand and said, “ You’ve knackered my plans so that’s that. Looks like I’ll have to use a different tactic.”

Her quarry smiled and shook his head. “You can’t stop me on your own.”

“Skidder and me knew you had summat up your sleeve so we developed a counter plan, If you surrender now, we promise to snuggle and cop off right in front of you.”

“Whu-whu.” Doctor Frenemy was doomed. The League of Leyland had deployed straight man’s Kryptonite, namely, girl on girl action. He had no way out, surrender was the only option. He raised his hands and bowed, neutralising the feedback loop he held on Skidder,


	4. Required

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even for a bunch of wallies, things can occasionally get serious. not even this lot escape that...

The One-Four-Two train from Blackpool North was in trouble. The ancient and inferior train had malfunctioned and was rapidly picking up speed as it neared Preston. Driver Samuel Thomas Brooks cursed. He hated these rickety old trains so much. He knew that there were numerous points between here and Manchester that could derail this bloody thing the way it was going. And both the brakes and the emergency brakes had failed.  
He thought, I should’ve taken that job with Virgin. I’d be driving a Pendolino… 

Even if he made it to Leyland intact, the junction at Packsaddle Bridge was under repair and it was awkward enough keeping a ‘Nodding Donkey’ behaving in normal conditions. Samuel Thomas Brooks gritted his teeth and radioed it in : He had passengers to protect. 

 

*

Shirley Posters usually loved her job in despatch but there had always been the spectre of impending disasters. When Driver Brooks radioed in his emergency, approaching Preston at over seventy miles an hour she knew her hour of testing had come.

Whilst making sure that Preston railway station shooed people away from the platforms and out of harm’s way right sharish, she called her big brother.

 

*

PC William Poster’s pager went off. It was an old device but it did its job for his sister and him. Not being a mobile meant she could get hold of him in an emergency and only she could. When he read the message his face blanched. He sprinted up to Stopper.

Noticing the frantic look on the Policeman’s face. Stopper retrieved her tongue from Skidder’s throat and nodded. Skidder and Doctor Frenemy turned their attention.

The veteran copper spoke fast, “There’s a Noddin’ Donkey out of control and the emergency brakes have failed. Help?”

“How long before it gets here?”

“About ten minutes love.”

They stared and then a voice usually associated with melodramatic villainy spoke earnestly. “Get Wings into an observer position, she can see anything coming in thee other direction.”

Wings paused and raised an eyebrow, Doctor Frenemy wasn’t her team leader after all, but after only the briefest hesitation she soared upwards. “On it” she said. if it was the right call, it was the right call.

Stopper looked at him. “I’ll entrench myself at the north end of the station. Officer, get us there.” She looked down to the Asda and called out. “Fastness!”

“What?”

“Follow DF’s orders!”

“Got it! The speedster shimmered to a stop next to his recent opponent. “What do you need from me?”

Doctor Frenemy's mind was racing like the fastness physical movement. “Keep pace with the train, try to cut its fuel line and deflect anyone who falls out into softer landings.”

“Copy that.” with that, the speedster blurred away, racing to the rescue.

 

*

Skidder and Stopper didn’t bother shutting the Police Car doors behind when they arrived at Leyland train station. They rushed out, racing up the recently constructed bridge. Skidder then jumped off to head down to the South end using her power to land safely. Stopper had to just leg it down the stairs and placed herself at the north end,

Between the two women could probably make a big difference. 

 

High above, Wings was searching for the oncoming train. She spotted The Fastness below zooming along the side of the rail lines. He’d just passed where she knew there was a plaque marking the halfway point (198 miles either way) between London and Glasgow. 

She performed some mental arithmetic and gave a relieved sigh as she realised that the train was still three minutes away. She looked back to Leyland. “I never thought we’d end up serious.

Stopper’s radio went off. “DF to Stopper, the Train is being slowed down, The Prestonian got there. She can’t do much though, otherwise the bloody thing’ll disintegrate. And on top of that- yeah thought so, she’s had to disengage at the Ribble Bridge. Her powers won’t work in South Ribble.

“Wings to every other bugger, I have a visual on the Prestonian, she’s signalling other trains… keeping ‘em safe. I can also see The Fastness, he’s in position. Hang on…. Something’s going on… there are little clouds appearing here and there… it’s a babe..”

“DF here. Do you mean child or female adult? Clarify quickly.”

“The latter. I think she’s a teleporter.”

“Investigate later unless she interferes.”

“Copy that.”

*

A little under a mile north of the station, Gaddabout swallowed. Her intention to go public had been intended to be by tagging Doctor Frenemy on the shoulder and going ‘boo’ but then she’d arrived and heard what was happening. So she’d made the decision to pitch in.


	5. Leylanders

Author’s Note: I don’t know trains,, I just made all this up because I wanted to write something silly. I refuse to let reality stop me now…

Also I wanted to quite specifically avoid anything else getting tagged as my worst fan fiction.... (maybe)

 

Leyland railway station was a little busier than usual. Parents with younger children were heading home to beat the school rush, others had intended to go to St. George’s shopping centre in Preston and others still had various reasons of their own,

As the two female superhumans raced into position, it became well bleedin obvious that something was up. The announcement that came over the tannoy did not really come as a surprise.

“Ladies and gentlemen, for your own safety please leave the station. I repeat, for your own safety, please leave the station.”

The station master put the microphone down and walked the intervening ten feet from his office to platform one, ushering people along to the nearby Royal Air Force Association building.

Police officer Posters and his colleague were also assisting. They were a little slower than Skidder or Stopper getting there, but they’d seen a young mum struggling to get her toddler son out of his buggy. 

Move over miss and we’ll get this. “Fred, lift the back and get this lad up them steps!”

"On it Bill, but-”

“Don’t talk, move!”

*

 

Elsewhere, The Fastness was rapidly scanning the compromised train but was forced to admit defeat. He’d come to realise that if he had no idea how to do anything with the train. He could do something for the passengers though.

Less than a second later he’d counted the forty seven passengers, thirty two adults, ten older children, two toddlers and a baby. He looked at the sleeping infant and swallowed as he rapidly called his colleagues with the info.

Doctor Frenemy growled in frustration, he was doing what he could. He needed extra if he was going to help further. 

“Hello?” A voice startled him. A nervous red head was looking at him imploringly. “What do I do? How can I help.”

Doctor Frenemy blinked once but the he way she had appeared and her query told him all he needed to know. The implosion of air that he was only just registering helped too... he smiled as warmly as the circumstances would allow him. “We have multiple passengers on that train that need extracting. Can you get them out?”

Gaddabout nodded. “I can, but my power only takes my inertia away. Anyone I pick up feels the whole shebang when they land. My twit of a brother found that out the hard way.

Doctor Frenemy nodded, “Get them and drop them off where the old ticket office was. Skidder’s there with Stopper nearby. Women and children first!”

He was answered with by the sudden disappearance of the newcomer.

As she left, Ben whispered to himself. "We might just pull this off...

 

*

Gaddabout landed in front of the woman who was curled protectively over her baby and made a snap decision, barely registering the shocked expressions on the passenger’s faces. Then she was at Golden Hill station entrance and feeling the soft landing provided by Skidder’s power. 

She barely heard the woman’s hysteric thanks as she teleported back onto the train with a renewed determination. She knew though that at five seconds per passenger per trip, it would take her three minutes she didn’t have. Parents with children became a priority.

*

Doctor Frenemy fingers practically danced over he key pad as he imputed a new command into his suit and he teleported to Packsaddle Bridge. 

'I was saving this too...' he thought as the surprise he’d developed for the League was pressed into actual serious usage. He Activated all four powers…

 

*

The passengers aboard the train watched as their travelling companions were whisked away. If they had been able to hear the hero outside that was speeding alongside the train, they would have heard him counting down.

*

The train entered Stopper’s area of effect and began slowing down. At the same time Skidder’s own power made it a bit safer for all those remaining on board. Gaddabout saw them briefly and could feel the change as Stopper’s field began exerting itself over the train,

Even as she extracted the next passenger there was the appearance of an armoured figure who blurred and dropped off a passenger. Between the super speed, inertia flange powers and exerting some extra stopping powers, he was doing pretty well.

He was bit late because he’d dropped in on Leyland to evacuate the young mother and child, simultaneously freeing up the two cops. Now he was effectively adding to the efficiency of three powers. 

 

*

When the train hurtled through the emptied station there were no longer any passengers aboard. Now the train was sliding to a stop at Bent Bridge. Doctor Frenemy had teleported upward at a an acute angle, taking flight. Now he was using his own temporary inertia field in conjunction with his copy of Skidder’s power.

It should have been impossible for him to use multiple powers at the same time, but having The Fastness' power copied meant he could correct problems at extremely high speed.

The one thing that concerned him was whether it would stop before it reached him. But if he moved he would take the effect with him.

He’d forgotten though that he had a guardian angel watching over him. 

 

*

Wings could see the armoured super villain standing on the track with the train heading straight for him. It was slowing down but she could feel it, It was still going to hit him at over twenty miles an hour. 

“Wings to anybody, DF is facing down the train at Bent Bridge but he’s gonna get hit in ten. Anyone?!” 

“I’m on it!” With that the Fastness hit the fastest speed he could heading up to Golden Hill, searching for the little teleporter he’d met earlier. He spotted her in under a second.

“I need you with me, climb on my back!” He was lucky enough that she didn’t argue. This meant that he had eight seconds. For a speedster that’s quite a lot.

The duo blurred to a stop in front of Doctor Frenemy who was standing in a overly dramatic pose. The Fastness just said, “Get him away…?”

“Done.”

There was blur and then the driver disappeared. I meant Doctor Fren- he blinked when all of a sudden the villain disappeared too, How the hell-?

“This is DF, the train has now stopped, all passengers extracted with thanks to new hot stuff on the block ‘Gaddabout’. I’m happy to report no casualties.”

 

* * *

One day later

The audience waited for Stopper to finish honouring her deal with Doctor Frenemy and once again extract her tongue from Skidder’s throat. Then Wings had to extract hers from Gaddabouts. As The Fastness stepped towards Doctor Frenemy the villain raised an eyebrow and closed his mask.

After a half minute the heroes of the day took a bow and Skidder took the microphone, and activated her power so no bugger could take it off her.

“We’re here and will be here when it’s required of us. On top of that, after talking to the magical tree that lives on this very ground, Worden Park, that gave us all our superpowers we’ve received an upgrade!”

Magical tree? Stopper began wondering whether Skidder was out of hers after that comment, but her teammate kept going.

“From this day forwards, the five of us…. Shall be… the League of South Ribble!”

“Plus one.” Doctor Frenemy had been unable to resist that.

The crowd erupted in applause and the photographers began snapping away.

 

Epilogue 

 

“So what do you think Chantelle?” The young would be film maker finished outlining his idea for his University of Lancashire film.

Chantelle the tank, she’d kept the name in the end, wasn’t convinced. She managed with great effort to swing her gun from left to right in disagreement.

David shrugged. He loved this tank, she could even communicate short range text messages. And on top of that, he had to concede that she was really well built,


End file.
